Solstice Spiritual Journey Part 1
So I manage to get to Hollyhock for the Seven Sacred Seals Retreat “the Permanent Opening of the Spiritual Heart”” with great dollops of grace from the universe and the people who love me. This retreat is all about the 22nd Gene Key: Grace. Did I muscle test before I left whether I had left anything behind? No, just rushing to go on retreat: how crazy is that? I know better. I even took my 3 minutes of doing nothing at 12 noon sharp before starting..still rushed out of there. So pretty soon I realize I’ve left my sleeping bag, pillow and pad but just go on, figuring “no big deal”…which means I get all the way to Dunsmuir, 5 hours away, before I realize I also left my daypack and my passport. Urgh. Not something I can do without when I’m going to Canada! So Everyone pitches in. V, Priya, Daniel, Cari and Bernie. Bernie gets my passport to Fed Ex in time to overnight it to Portland. Bless you all!!!! That’s my Sun gate: 3: chaos: difficulty at the beginning!
I invited Daniel to be my travelling partner for the long journey. What wasn’t clear in our planning conversations is that he also is in a hurry to arrive, for reasons of his own. 5+ hrs to Shasta then 12+ to Vancouver because Daniel really wants to be there the day before to set up his projector (he IS a projector too) to be able to share his art with everyone at the retreat. It is fantastic video/graphic collage set to mind expanding music. We dive right into a kind of intimacy I was hoping for. Sharing all sorts of things about ourselves. (I certainly wouldn’t share these things with just anyone)! I pick up my passport and we have a lovely dinner break in the gourmet ghetto of Portland YAY!! Yet the strains of long drives, wandering on dark Canadian freeways with no idea when we are going to sleep, catching ferries to make sure we get there by solstice so we can go to a beach ceremony with the early arrivals (all of these are Daniel’s agendas) make me very grumpy, extremely unhappy with myself and ready to smack Daniel. Like me, he seems very mellow but can suddenly get very intense (and agitated: the shadow of his Sphere of Evolution #51 Thunder) when he thinks he might be thwarted by something I am doing or not doing. Being the focus of the agitated energy projected by him is shocking (Thunder is like that!) To compound things, when Daniel takes his turn driving, he is a tailgater, which makes me tense. Then I wake up with an infected splinter in the bottom of my foot to go with my sore knee on the other leg. Grrrr.
Everywhere we are driving and boating is intensely beautiful. Jagged peaks plunging their rocky skirts right into the sea. Huge trees and ferns and bright sunshine. We catch the last ferries to Cortez Island: literally the last car on. We go further and further away from the hustle until we get to Hollyhock in time for a delicious dinner in bucolic and immaculately kept grounds and gardens. Everyone is courteous and helpful and we run right into Richard Rudd during the check in process. Seems very propitious! Nice conversation with a lovely woman at dinner, beautiful campsite, all that and I’m ready to kill someone I’m so angry. WTF? So I get my wire and wrap up and sit on a secluded bench in the incredible garden behind some hollyhocks and datura, allow the mosquitos to dine on me and do this healing for myself:
False Agenda Chakra Corridor Pattern
I’m so angry and I feel throttled. Dowsing my anatomy I find that BOTH corridors of the throat are irritated and swollen. The reflected chakras are barely spinning, only weakly projecting their message. The shoulder elimination wheel hubs and spokes are choked with debris. On top of that, 16 template strands are wrapped around my throat, all oddly from left to right (clockwise if you were looking down on my head).
The key to this complex is the corridors of the throat chakra that are supposed to be conveying my own intention of my truth around the core so I can receive it as well as cool the intensity of my pure spirit intention emanating from my core. There is foreign energy in there that I can only call a “false agenda”. The function corridor is clogged with a false agenda that came from my Mom (though later I find that it wasn’t hers either) the left one is choked with one from my Dad. They lodged there in utero! I get this far and I just have to sit for a while it’s so intense. It’s hard to focus. What is this agenda? I sit and swat and stew. All I want to do is jump out of my skin and get away somehow, anyhow.
Finally the insights start to come. I remember the healing symbol for the throat from the corridor procedure I learned from Desda is the butterfly (the shape of the Thyroid gland). The Throat is all about transformation, metamorphosis really. That’s why I’m here, right? I want to fly! It’s wrapped in Template fibers like a cocoon! The butterfly inside is choking on the waste products of agendas that don’t serve it anymore! The agenda in the function corridor that is preventing me from receiving my own intention for the function of my throat’s truth is “Tell me you Love me so I can Love myself”. It’s my Mother’s gift to me that she got from her Mother and her Mother from….. The agenda that is preventing me from receiving the wisdom of my throat that would allow me to transform my own and maybe other’s suffering is “When I tell you I Love you, give me the Love I can’t give myself, fill up the empty space in me.” This was my Dad’s gift to me from his….. Sheesh, no wonder their marriage didn’t last. No wonder I felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest when they separated and I spent an eternal 9 year old year of afternoons alone with the television at my Dad’s house.
I realize that I came here (to Hollyhock, and to this incarnation!) to learn that I can heal myself by learning to give my self the Love and approval that I always felt I needed from someone else first. Maybe this is why I don’t have kids this time. I need to ground in Self Love first so that it can overflow onto everyone else. How incredibly this fits my “profile”: 2-4!! The Hermit-Opportunist. The Natural Lover. The Dancer-Nurturer. What an amazing gift this Human Design/Gene Keys work is to those of us that can let it in: to see that our fate really is “designed” yet we get to steer the course set out for us by adjusting our attitude about the winds that push us across the waters and landscapes of our life!
I unwrap the Template (nerve fibers) from around my neck. It’s time to emerge from the cocoon. I ask for help from the abundant butterfly-like Template Divas in the garden to reattach them to my inner soul layer membrane. extended out where they belong to catch divine energies pitched to them by the receptors at my Soul’s edge for my nourishment. I don’t need them to protect me from outside agendas that were already lodged inside me anyway. I ask the dragonfly-like Elimination Divas to clean out the gunky stagnant debris from the elimination hubs and spokes of the throat Elimination wheel, and the wheel kicks into life, spinning out the thick choking smoky-grief-debris that I have felt building up for the last three weeks and spilling into my upper lungs. I place the butterfly symbol over my throat and say “I Love you! I Love Me, Mommy! I don’t need you to tell me you Love me! I know you Love me!” “I Love you Daddy! I Love me!! I don’t need you to fill that empty space because it’s full of me!” (I actually used their full names but this way I said it conveys more how I felt!)
I bring in the Medicine Buddha Blue Light of Healing (the true function of any energy center is to heal, to become whole again.) I bring in the Golden Light of Wisdom (the wisdom of all the energy centers is that we are immortal beings with vast history and that we are truly, really ONE being experiencing it Self from infinite fractal perspectives.) I feel the Throat open and fresh air flow through from from to back. What a relief!!
Writing this this morning is completing the healing. My social nature is peeking out again and I visit with some of the Lovely people here exploring themselves as I am. I return to my solitude and write some more. Ah. Balance, Equilibrium, Justice, Enrichment. The relentless persistent themes of my life. To experience the Chaos as Harmony. To get drunk on the liberation that comes from embracing my own suffering. To help others find the gifts in theirs.
If you got this far into this endless rant (and even if you didn’t!) may it be of great benefit to you and the people you Love! May it benefit all beings and liberate their suffering! Thank you for being my witness. I Love you!